Desperate Housewives - Episode 04.03 – The Game
WISTERIA LANE – DAY
The street is filled with children riding their bikes and jumping rope on the sidewalk, and tossing a Frisbee.
“All children love to play games. But before they can race their bikes or jump their ropes or toss their frisbees, children must understand that they must first convince their friends to play along with them. They same is true for adults.”
SUSAN’S KITCHEN
Susan is on the phone.
Susan: “Hi Gaby. I’m throwing a party Saturday night. Guess what kind?”
GABRIELLE’S KITCHEN
Gaby is on the phone.
Gabrielle: “A Charades party? Did you just throw one?”
Susan: “No, that was a year ago.”
Gabrielle: “Oh, right, guess it’s time for another one.”
Susan: “Sure is. Can you come?”
Gabrielle: “Ahh. Sorry, Victor needs me at this political thing. Damn. Damn. Damn.”
Susan: “Ahhh. You have to come. You’re the best Charade’s player I know.”
LYNETTE’S LIVING ROOM
Lynette is lying on her couch on the phone.
Lynette: “That’s sweet and totally accurate, but I’m really whipped from the Chemo so… Oh, there’s my other line… can you ask me next time, okay Hon? Okay, bye.”
Lynette hangs up and clicks to her other line.
Lynette: “Hello. Oh hey Bree. Ummm. What’s up?”
BREE’S LIVING ROOM
Bree is on the phone.
Bree: “I stopped by Katherine’s yesterday to get a recipe and you’ll never guess what I over heard.”
GABRIELLE’S EXERCISE ROOM
Gaby is on the treadmill.
Gabrielle: “She slapped her kid? No!”
Bree: “Yes. And get this. When Adam said Dylan would just keep asking questions, Katherine said, and I quote, ‘Well, we’re just going to have to find better lies.’ Oh, hang on, I’ve got another call.”
Gabrielle: “Don’t answer it. It’s Susan. She’s hosting another game night.”
Bree: “Another one? It’s time for an anonymous letter.”
Lynette at home, taking pills and talking on the phone.
Lynette: “Wait. Is Katherine going to Susan’s charade night?”
Gabrielle: “Probably, why?”
Lynette: “We should go too. Get a few drinks in her, see if she loosens up.”
Bree: “Well, I doubt a woman like Katherine is going to spill her secrets just because she’s had a little wine.”
Lynette: “I don’t know. You came out with some interesting things before you swore off the sauce.”
Bree: Well, none that I recall.”
Lynette: “Did you tell me you lost your virginity in the back seat of a ……”
Bree: “Point well taken! I’ll bring the wine.”
Gabrielle talking on the phone.
Gabrielle: “Susan, good news! We can come to the party after all. Hey you know who else you should invite?”
Lynette talking on the phone.
Lynette: “Yeah, I am feeling much better so count me in. Will our new neighbor be coming?”
Bree talking on the phone.
Bree: “Of course! I love your charades parties. And I hope you’re inviting that delightful Katherine Mayfair.”
KATHERINE’S FRONT YARD
Katherine is watering her flowers as Susan walks up.
Susan: “So you were paid a very nice compliment today.”
Katherine: “I was?”
Susan: “Yes. I am hosting a Charades party and all of my friends went out of their way to insist I invite you.”
Katherine: “Really?”
BREE’S HOUSE
Bree is looking out her window at Katherine and Susan.
“Yes, not all adults like to play games…”
Katherine looks over and sees Bree looking out the window. Bree quickly back away.
“But the ones who do, play to win.”
OPENING CREDITS
BREE’S KITCHEN
Stella is looking through a cookbook.
“Stella Winfield hated to cook. Still she spent that Friday morning grating cheese and greasing a pan and lying in macaroni. Because her eldest daughter was sick”
Stella brings a plate of macaroni outside to Lynette.
“And Stella could no longer sit by and do nothing.”
Stella: “Lunchtime!”
Lynette: “Oh, no thanks.”
Stella: “Oh come on, I made it for you special. You’ve gotta keep your strength up.”
Lynette: “I appreciate the effort but I told you I can’t keep anything down. And FYI, mac and cheese is halfway to vomit. You might as well have given me a plate of creamed corn.”
Stella: “Are you taking the anti nausea drug?”
Lynette: “Yeah, I am taking it. It’s just not working.”
Stella: “Well, ah. I know something that might help your nausea and boost your appetite. Perhaps a little visit from my old friend, ‘Mary Jane?”
Lynette: “You’re suggesting Pot?”
Stella: “A lot of Chemo patients use it. Hell, I did! Come on. Let mama score you some kick ass chronic.”
Lynette: “Kick Ass Chronic? Ah-huh. You’re a grandmother. Shouldn’t you be off somewhere knitting an afghan?”
Stella: “Just trying to ease your pain.”
Lynette: “Well thanks. But I prefer not to get my medication from someone under a bridge.”
Stella: “Suit yourself!”
SUSAN’S FRONT YARD
Susan is taking out the trash. She sees Mike in the garage making a baby crib.
Susan: “Hey, what’s this?”
Mike: “A crib. And look. (raising the side of the crib) a safety latch. I figured if the baby takes after you, accident proof is key!”
Susan: “Honey, you know I’m still in my first trimester. Don’t you think it’s a little early to be making cribs?”
Mike: “Early would be painting this thing blue. But (Mike holds up a can of blue and a can of pink paint) I got both so we’re covered either way.”
Susan: “Great.”
Mike: “And whether it’s boy or a girl, (Mike attaches a football sticker on the crib) Colts fan. That’s not negotiable.”
Susan: “Umm. Bree’s home, I’ll be right back.”
BREE’S DRIVEWAY
Bree and Orson get out of the car.
Orson: “Look sharp, Susan!”
Bree: “Guy, it’s getting harder and harder to keep her at arm’s length. I never knew she was such a hugger.”
Orson: “Want me to run interference?”
Bree: “No, no, getting good at props.”
Bree takes a bag of groceries as Susan approaches.
Bree: “Hey, Susan. What’s up?”
Susan: “I need a favor. Um, I remember you mentioning that you liked your Obstetrician. Can I get his number?”
Bree: “I thought you were using Dr. Mayfair?”
Susan: “Yeah, I don’t know. It’s getting a little weird. You know Adam is my neighbor.”
Bree: “Well you don’t mind Orson being your dentist.”
Susan: “Well that’s because I don’t blush when Orson says “open wide.”
Bree: “You know, my OB is all they way across town. You just do not want to drive that far.”
Susan: “Oh well, we could schedule our appointment together and carpool. You know, pregnant gals on the road.”
Bree: “Ha ha ha. It does sound fun. But I don’t think my doctor’s taking on any new patients.”
Susan: “Oh I’ll talk him into it. What’s his name?”
Bree: “I, um, don’t remember.”
Susan: “You don’t remember?”
Bree: “You know, I usually just call him “doctor.”
Susan: “Bree. Just get me the number.”
BREE’S KITCHEN
Bree is thumbing through the yellow pages. She finds “Obstetricians” and grabs a paper and pen. She closes her eyes and pokes. She writes down the number she poked.
She takes it outside to Susan.
Bree: “Here you go, but please don’t mention my name. As I said he’s overbooked and I just don’t want to get on his bad side.”
Susan: “I’m so excited. Pregnant gals, sharing a doctor!”
She reaches out to hug Bree. Bree sneezes.
Susan: “Oh, bless you.”
Bree: “Oh sorry. Probably just allergies but, you know you don’t want to take any chances.”
Susan covers her nose and mouth and runs away.
KATHERINE’S DRIVEWAY
Adam is outside washing the car. A young woman jogs up.
Woman: “Hey, can I get a drink?”
Adam: “Yeah, sure.”
Young woman drinks from the hose.
Woman: “Thanks. By the way you missed a spot.”
Adam: “Ah, thanks.”
The young woman jogs away and suddenly the hose turns off. Adam turns to see why.
Katherine: “I’d say the car is clean enough.”
Adam: “Katherine.”
Katherine: “She seemed awfully friendly. Do you know her?”
Adam: “No, we said two words. She criticized my car wash.”
Katherine: “Umm, it’s funny. When I criticize you, you don’t put on a big goofy grin!”
Adam: “You really need to stop this.”
Katherine: “Given our history, shouldn’t I be saying that to you.”
Adam: “Katherine, I just can’t not speak to women. I’m a Gynecologist for god’s sake.”
Katherine: “Yes, I know. But you don’t have to bring your work home with you.”
WISTERIA LANE – DAY
The street is filled with children riding their bikes and jumping rope on the sidewalk, and tossing a Frisbee.
“All children love to play games. But before they can race their bikes or jump their ropes or toss their frisbees, children must understand that they must first convince their friends to play along with them. They same is true for adults.”
SUSAN’S KITCHEN
Susan is on the phone.
Susan: “Hi Gaby. I’m throwing a party Saturday night. Guess what kind?”
GABRIELLE’S KITCHEN
Gaby is on the phone.
Gabrielle: “A Charades party? Did you just throw one?”
Susan: “No, that was a year ago.”
Gabrielle: “Oh, right, guess it’s time for another one.”
Susan: “Sure is. Can you come?”
Gabrielle: “Ahh. Sorry, Victor needs me at this political thing. Damn. Damn. Damn.”
Susan: “Ahhh. You have to come. You’re the best Charade’s player I know.”
LYNETTE’S LIVING ROOM
Lynette is lying on her couch on the phone.
Lynette: “That’s sweet and totally accurate, but I’m really whipped from the Chemo so… Oh, there’s my other line… can you ask me next time, okay Hon? Okay, bye.”
Lynette hangs up and clicks to her other line.
Lynette: “Hello. Oh hey Bree. Ummm. What’s up?”
BREE’S LIVING ROOM
Bree is on the phone.
Bree: “I stopped by Katherine’s yesterday to get a recipe and you’ll never guess what I over heard.”
GABRIELLE’S EXERCISE ROOM
Gaby is on the treadmill.
Gabrielle: “She slapped her kid? No!”
Bree: “Yes. And get this. When Adam said Dylan would just keep asking questions, Katherine said, and I quote, ‘Well, we’re just going to have to find better lies.’ Oh, hang on, I’ve got another call.”
Gabrielle: “Don’t answer it. It’s Susan. She’s hosting another game night.”
Bree: “Another one? It’s time for an anonymous letter.”
Lynette at home, taking pills and talking on the phone.
Lynette: “Wait. Is Katherine going to Susan’s charade night?”
Gabrielle: “Probably, why?”
Lynette: “We should go too. Get a few drinks in her, see if she loosens up.”
Bree: “Well, I doubt a woman like Katherine is going to spill her secrets just because she’s had a little wine.”
Lynette: “I don’t know. You came out with some interesting things before you swore off the sauce.”
Bree: Well, none that I recall.”
Lynette: “Did you tell me you lost your virginity in the back seat of a ……”
Bree: “Point well taken! I’ll bring the wine.”
Gabrielle talking on the phone.
Gabrielle: “Susan, good news! We can come to the party after all. Hey you know who else you should invite?”
Lynette talking on the phone.
Lynette: “Yeah, I am feeling much better so count me in. Will our new neighbor be coming?”
Bree talking on the phone.
Bree: “Of course! I love your charades parties. And I hope you’re inviting that delightful Katherine Mayfair.”
KATHERINE’S FRONT YARD
Katherine is watering her flowers as Susan walks up.
Susan: “So you were paid a very nice compliment today.”
Katherine: “I was?”
Susan: “Yes. I am hosting a Charades party and all of my friends went out of their way to insist I invite you.”
Katherine: “Really?”
BREE’S HOUSE
Bree is looking out her window at Katherine and Susan.
“Yes, not all adults like to play games…”
Katherine looks over and sees Bree looking out the window. Bree quickly back away.
“But the ones who do, play to win.”
OPENING CREDITS
BREE’S KITCHEN
Stella is looking through a cookbook.
“Stella Winfield hated to cook. Still she spent that Friday morning grating cheese and greasing a pan and lying in macaroni. Because her eldest daughter was sick”
Stella brings a plate of macaroni outside to Lynette.
“And Stella could no longer sit by and do nothing.”
Stella: “Lunchtime!”
Lynette: “Oh, no thanks.”
Stella: “Oh come on, I made it for you special. You’ve gotta keep your strength up.”
Lynette: “I appreciate the effort but I told you I can’t keep anything down. And FYI, mac and cheese is halfway to vomit. You might as well have given me a plate of creamed corn.”
Stella: “Are you taking the anti nausea drug?”
Lynette: “Yeah, I am taking it. It’s just not working.”
Stella: “Well, ah. I know something that might help your nausea and boost your appetite. Perhaps a little visit from my old friend, ‘Mary Jane?”
Lynette: “You’re suggesting Pot?”
Stella: “A lot of Chemo patients use it. Hell, I did! Come on. Let mama score you some kick ass chronic.”
Lynette: “Kick Ass Chronic? Ah-huh. You’re a grandmother. Shouldn’t you be off somewhere knitting an afghan?”
Stella: “Just trying to ease your pain.”
Lynette: “Well thanks. But I prefer not to get my medication from someone under a bridge.”
Stella: “Suit yourself!”
SUSAN’S FRONT YARD
Susan is taking out the trash. She sees Mike in the garage making a baby crib.
Susan: “Hey, what’s this?”
Mike: “A crib. And look. (raising the side of the crib) a safety latch. I figured if the baby takes after you, accident proof is key!”
Susan: “Honey, you know I’m still in my first trimester. Don’t you think it’s a little early to be making cribs?”
Mike: “Early would be painting this thing blue. But (Mike holds up a can of blue and a can of pink paint) I got both so we’re covered either way.”
Susan: “Great.”
Mike: “And whether it’s boy or a girl, (Mike attaches a football sticker on the crib) Colts fan. That’s not negotiable.”
Susan: “Umm. Bree’s home, I’ll be right back.”
BREE’S DRIVEWAY
Bree and Orson get out of the car.
Orson: “Look sharp, Susan!”
Bree: “Guy, it’s getting harder and harder to keep her at arm’s length. I never knew she was such a hugger.”
Orson: “Want me to run interference?”
Bree: “No, no, getting good at props.”
Bree takes a bag of groceries as Susan approaches.
Bree: “Hey, Susan. What’s up?”
Susan: “I need a favor. Um, I remember you mentioning that you liked your Obstetrician. Can I get his number?”
Bree: “I thought you were using Dr. Mayfair?”
Susan: “Yeah, I don’t know. It’s getting a little weird. You know Adam is my neighbor.”
Bree: “Well you don’t mind Orson being your dentist.”
Susan: “Well that’s because I don’t blush when Orson says “open wide.”
Bree: “You know, my OB is all they way across town. You just do not want to drive that far.”
Susan: “Oh well, we could schedule our appointment together and carpool. You know, pregnant gals on the road.”
Bree: “Ha ha ha. It does sound fun. But I don’t think my doctor’s taking on any new patients.”
Susan: “Oh I’ll talk him into it. What’s his name?”
Bree: “I, um, don’t remember.”
Susan: “You don’t remember?”
Bree: “You know, I usually just call him “doctor.”
Susan: “Bree. Just get me the number.”
BREE’S KITCHEN
Bree is thumbing through the yellow pages. She finds “Obstetricians” and grabs a paper and pen. She closes her eyes and pokes. She writes down the number she poked.
She takes it outside to Susan.
Bree: “Here you go, but please don’t mention my name. As I said he’s overbooked and I just don’t want to get on his bad side.”
Susan: “I’m so excited. Pregnant gals, sharing a doctor!”
She reaches out to hug Bree. Bree sneezes.
Susan: “Oh, bless you.”
Bree: “Oh sorry. Probably just allergies but, you know you don’t want to take any chances.”
Susan covers her nose and mouth and runs away.
KATHERINE’S DRIVEWAY
Adam is outside washing the car. A young woman jogs up.
Woman: “Hey, can I get a drink?”
Adam: “Yeah, sure.”
Young woman drinks from the hose.
Woman: “Thanks. By the way you missed a spot.”
Adam: “Ah, thanks.”
The young woman jogs away and suddenly the hose turns off. Adam turns to see why.
Katherine: “I’d say the car is clean enough.”
Adam: “Katherine.”
Katherine: “She seemed awfully friendly. Do you know her?”
Adam: “No, we said two words. She criticized my car wash.”
Katherine: “Umm, it’s funny. When I criticize you, you don’t put on a big goofy grin!”
Adam: “You really need to stop this.”
Katherine: “Given our history, shouldn’t I be saying that to you.”
Adam: “Katherine, I just can’t not speak to women. I’m a Gynecologist for god’s sake.”
Katherine: “Yes, I know. But you don’t have to bring your work home with you.”
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